Tamoxifen.. To Take or Not

Today is the last day of 2012 and I’ll have to admit, I’m glad it’s over.  It hasn’t been a bad year or a really good year, but one that has changed my perspective on how I will probably live the rest of my life. 

A couple weeks ago I visited my oncologist and he prescribed a drug called Tamoxifen.   This drug is used to reduce the risk of breast cancer coming back.  I will most likely take this drug for the next decade if my body doesn’t rebel against it too much.  Since it is considered a “maintenance” drug, my health insurance encourages me (via lower copayment) to purchase this drug through a mail order pharmacy.  So the day after I received the prescription, I sent it off to be filled. 

For the past two weeks, I have walked to my mailbox watching for my prescription to arrive.  You would think that I would be anxious to begin taking this medication since statistically it has been proven to decrease the chances of getting cancer again, but for some reason every day I was relieved when it wasn’t in the mail.  Today, on the last day of the year, it arrived and all the fears and anxiety I’ve experienced over the last three months came rushing back.

Early in my diagnosis, when I was trying to educate myself on all the possible treatment options of breast cancer, I did quite a bit of research on this drug.    I found it has many negative side effects but every doctor has advised me the “benefits” of Tamoxifen outweigh the risks.  But my natural tendency is to be safety-conscious and doing something that “might” not be good for me is usually avoided.    I opened the package and began reading the three page drug description and risks….

• Hot flashes
• Bone pain, joint pain or tumor pain
• Swelling
• Weight gain
• Nausea (maybe this will offset the weight gain)
• Thinning hair
• Increase risk of uterine cancer, stroke or blood clot in the lungs (OMG… I’m feeling faint)
• And about a hundred more things that might be unpleasant or make me sick

I have several friends who have taken or are currently on Tamoxifen.  It seems to affect everyone differently.  When discussing my concerns with my oncologist, he explained there are other drugs that can be prescribed that will reduce some of the side effects that will make Tamoxifen more tolerable.  Therefore, if I start experiencing some of the side effects, to let him know and he will call me in some more drugs.  Oh great… I am going to need one of those weekly drug organizers just to keep everything straight!  But Tamoxifen is my only drug choice until I go through the Big “M” (menopause).  Oh my, I don’t even want to think about that yet! 

I know this is silly, but I’ve decided I am not going to start taking Tamoxifen until tomorrow – January 1, 2013.  You know what they say… Out with the old and in with the new.   So today I am going to enjoy being cold in case I get hot flashes later, ratting up my hair (while I still have some) and dance like no one is watching. 

Happy New Years my friends!  I hope Year 2013 brings you many blessing and good heath.

Rejoice!

We had another wonderful Christmas at the Cordell home this year! 

It started with a surprise delivery from my cousin, Robbin Beasley Rice who left a very nostalgic gift on our front porch while we were out Christmas shopping one afternoon.  It was very special because it represented a mini-version of my Nanny Beasley's Christmas tree, which we all loved for so many years.



You can see Nanny's tree behind my sister, Karla, Me (I'm the baby), and my cousins Nancy and Robbin!

 



This is the tree Robbin made, which I will treasure forever!

  Then on 12/14, Romeo treated me with a special date to celebrate my Cancer-Free Status!  First, we went on a sleigh ride (more like a carriage ride with a horse pulling us) to look at the beautiful Christmas lights in downtown OKC.  Followed by a romantic dinner at the Peseo Grill and then concluded with drinks at the top of the Devon Tower!

Saturday night we attended LifeChurch's Christmas Service at the Edmond campus and was pleasantly surprised when one the special effects was it snowed inside the Church.  Very Cool, don't you think?  It was so neat, we decided to attend the Sunday service at the OKC campus to see Craig Groeschel "Live" and also hear their spectacular drummers!   The OKC campus didn't have any snow, but it was still pretty speical. We enjoyed both services equally! 

Brittney and I enjoying the indoor snow!

Christmas Eve was celebrated with a snack buffet followed by opening gifts with my Daddy and Mary Ann.  The crowd favorites were my Poppy Seed Ham Sliders and Brittney's delicious Rum Cake!

Christmas day was more low key as my children went to Tulsa to spend the day with their Dad.  Since I'm usually a little blue when they leave, Romeo and I spent the day at the movie theater to see Silver Linings Playbook and The Life of Pi; which we loved them both!

But the fun is not over yet because we will be having another round of Christmas celebration when Romeo's son, daughter and our precious three-year old grandaughter, Reagan come to Oklahoma next week for a visit!  

This has been the most wonderful holiday I can remember because we have so much to celebrate and rejoice.  We hope you also had a wonderful Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

It Was Just Another Test of Faith



2012 has been quite a year for my family; especially the last couple months.  But in the end, everything turned out just perfect.  Yes, it has been hard and there have been times I questioned why I had to be statistically the ONE in Five women who would get breast cancer.  Yes, I cried myself to sleep many nights because I was scared of what might happen.  Every day when I look in the mirror, I mourn the loss of the breast that was removed.  No, I will never look or feel the same, but I am okay with that because something really great happened from this experience.  It made me realize I had to trust God MORE. 

I have never been overly religious, volunteered at the church, led a bible study or signed up to save people at the Mall, but have professed to be a Christian since I was baptised when I was thirteen. The whole breast cancer experience has opened my eyes to love deeper, value relationships more and don't sweat the small stuff.  Life is too short to be stressed out, be mad over silly things and worry constantly.  If I can't physically control something, I just have to surrender it to God. 

My youngest (and teenage) daughter, Mikayla inspires me daily to be a better Christian and trust the Lord.  She is what some people might label a Jesus Freak or Bible Banger (Please know I am saying this in a loving way).   I am very proud of her and feel very blessed to be her mother.  No offense to Brittney or Brandon, they are good kids too even if they were little hellions as teenagers.  Seriously, I am very thankful to be part of a Christian family who surrounded me with love and prayers, which ultimately provided me the strength to remain positive during the hard days.  I know it's not over yet, but I think the worst is behind us.

I wish you each a very Merry Christmas and thank you for keeping me in your prayers.    Enjoy the holidays and don't stress if everything is not perfect or goes off as planned.  I know I am going to enjoy every single minute with my family even if I burn the Christmas ham (like I did last year)!

Surgical Drains Suck!

First, I want to thank all who have emailed me, left Facebook or blogger comments or just told me in person how much they have enjoyed my blog.  It has been very therapeutic, and hopefully it has informed my readers about what can happen when you’re diagnosed and treated for breast cancer.  This brings me to a topic about which I have not previously written related to the horrid little clear plastic drain tubing placed in surgical incisions during the operation.  I understand this is common in all kinds of surgeries and if you’ve had this experience, you will totally relate to this story.

I woke up with these pesky medical piping devices after my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery in three locations.  As I understand they are placed near the incision sites to prevent blood and other unidentified body fluid (hereafter referred to as “gook”) from building up in the area of the procedures.  The “What to Expect” booklet indicated they may be uncomfortable and inconvenient, but worth the trouble.  Well, let me just say, these words “uncomfortable and inconvenient” are an UNDERSTATEMENT! 

The patient guide should have read, “These little boogers are going to hurt like hell and will probably make you want to throw up anytime someone messes with them.  Furthermore if you get a drain site infected, It's NOT good! ”  You see, the nurse would come in two or three times a day (and night) to measure the gook that is draining into a plastic flask and would record it in my chart.  The way this is done is by sliding several fingers down the tube into something that looks like a small plastic flask (this is called stripping the drain).  Then the gook in the flask is poured into separate little Dixie cups to measure output.  It’s a very high tech process.  The plastic flasks are numbered so when the nurse pours the gook in the associated numbered Dixie cup, it can be documented on the gook sheet.  When the drains stop expelling gook greater than a certain amount, they take out the drains and THEN you can take a shower. 

But let me back up a bit, and give you some background.  In the patient guide it says some patients may have drains two or three weeks.  During this period they should not take a shower or bath (OMG!)  I believe this part of the instructions was written by some paranoid malpractice attorney because that is ridiculous!  No offense to lawyers, but this is a little extreme to minimize the risk of infection, don’t you think?  Seriously, can you imagine the stench of someone who did not take a shower for three weeks – talk about infection and bad hair!  But the good news was the medical people ignore this rule (and I didn’t remind anyone) and was allowed to take a shower on Day 3 (with my flowing gook and drains in place).  Sorry that might have been a little graphic. 

As in many hospitals, nursing staff is minimum and never around when you need them.  After my doctor allowed me to take a shower, I was Gung HO to get it done pronto!   About three or four hours later, two sweet, young, student nurses appear in my room and announce it is bath time!  Apparently their instructions were to keep my IV port, drain sites and incisions dry while assisting me in the shower.  I quickly discovered they had NO experience or training in showering a patient.  Furthermore, no one had given them any instructions than what I mentioned earlier. 

The first thing they did was saran wrap my IV port and taped it up with surgical tape (this should have been my first red flag).  Next they safety pinned the plastic drain flasks to my gown so when I stood up, the weight of these pesky devises would not jerk out of my tender incisions and cause me to have a heart attack.   Actually, this was my idea since it wasn’t my first rodeo getting out of bed.  I hope they took note of this tip for future patients.

Then they stood me up and the three of us headed toward the shower.  Have I mentioned one of the student nurses was VERY pregnant?   Yes, she told me she was due in two or three weeks (Oh great!)  Okay, so they placed me in the shower and told me to sit down on the little bench.  I was relived they were going to let me rest a bit before I had to stand up to undress.  But then Nurse #1 (the non-pregnant one) surprised me when she turns on the water and starts hosing me down (fully clothed).  When I asked why they weren't taking off my gown they both looked at me like I just asked something ridiculous.  Then I suddenly remembered they must think the hospital gown will keep my drains and incisions dry.  It is at this moment I’m mentally debating if I should pull the emergency “help” cord in the shower to get a real nurse to come rescue me.  But in the end, I decided to just go with the flow because I’m thankful to get my hair washed even if I might cause a severe infection around my drains (maybe those attorneys weren’t so paranoid) and I might die of pneumonia from being so cold. 

This experience has certainly given me new insight as to why dogs uncontrollably shake when they get wet.  Do realize how cold it feels to take a shower, in drenched clothing, in an open area with a cold draft rushing in the room?    Yes, if I could have shimmied the water off my gown to make it less wet, I would have, for sure!  With all of you as my witness, I vow never to scold my little dog Kosmo again when he shakes after his bath because I totally understand what he is feeling.    

P.S.  I was able to get my drains out in ONE week.  Not that I am bragging or anything - I just wasn't very gooky.

Almost Back to Normal, Except ONE Thing....

Thankfully, life is getting back to normal.  I went back to work on Monday, cooked dinner a couple times this week and have a lunch date with a couple of my Edmond girlfriends on Friday!  It feels so good not to be constantly worrying about cancer and what comes next. 

I work from home four days a week and drive to Tulsa each Wednesday to check in with my office.  It’s really a sweet deal, but I have to admit I miss the social aspects of not being in the office daily.  This week was really great, because I got to see a lot of coworkers and friends that I haven’t seen in six or seven weeks when I was in the Tulsa.   The days I work from home are filled with conference call meetings, answering emails and making phone calls.  Whether I was visiting with people in person or on the phone, everyone made me feel so special.  I just want to thank everyone at Williams, WPX and IBM for welcoming me back with such love and appreciation. 

I am truly feeling so much better and getting stronger each day.  Thankfully, I don’t need help with anything anymore.  But the only time I have problems is at night when I am sleeping – or rather attempting to sleep.  No one told me my new and altered parts would have a mind of their own.  My new lady part doesn’t like any movement and my new tummy feels like it is going to bust if I stretch or twist, so I am pretty much sleeping on my back, propped up with pillows trying not to move an inch.  This has been a huge adjustment because I previously slept on my side or on my tummy – but never on my back! 

Romeo won’t admit it, but I think I might be snoring (OMG – I know, THIS is mortifying)!  I suspect he is just trying to protect my girly ego.  Sometimes I wake up with a dry mouth and sore throat so I can just imagine the horrible sounds that must be coming from my side of the bed.  I know this is stupid, but just thinking I might be snoring is impacting my sleep quality.  Paranoid or not, if I sense I might be sounding like a bear, I wake myself up before Romeo realizes I am not the sleeping beauty he married five years ago.  I mean seriously, is there anything more unlady-like?   

I remember when my grandparents decided to have separate bedrooms in their new house.  When I asked Grandma Long why she and Papa didn’t sleep in the same room, she told me it was because he snored.  Hmmm… could this explain why I have this unhealthy paranoia?  Maybe that also explains why Romeo slept on the couch the other night when he implied he feared his “coughing” was disturbing my rest.  Note to self:  Go to Walgreen’s tomorrow and buy some “Breath -Easy” strips to silence the bear.   Do ya’ll know if those really work?  Man, I hope so!

Have a good weekend!  We have some holiday festivities and I get to get all dressed up!  So excited!!!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

A few days ago I woke up more sore than the usual which caused me to feel sorry for myself because I am still not "back to normal."  After Romeo left for work, I decided I would just stay in bed a little longer.    While I was lying there, I picked up my iPad and was viewing all the Facebook posts from that morning and the previous evening.   Now don't judge me, I am not typically one of those people who updates my status every hour or post on my friends' pages constantly.  I am more of the passive Facebook user (referred to as a "creeper" by my teenage daughter) who just snoops around to see what everyone else is doing.  However, since my interaction with the outside world has become very limited, it is my main outlet for social stimulation (along with Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest). Okay, so maybe I could be considered a Social Network junkie at this point, but at least I recognize my problem.

Anyway, I ran across a post that included a video link from my high school friend, Jay who commented, "Trust me, you'll like it and have I ever lied to you...?"   So I opened the link and it was a music video made by Megan Kowalewski who is twenty-three years old that has Hodgkin Lymphoma.   The video is of her lip-syncing to Kelly Clarkson's song. "Stronger." This video demonstrates Megan's strong spirit and charming personality while she is making the best out of her chemotherapy experience (as well as entertaining her fellow cancer patients). 

I found the video very inspiring and it reminded me how blessed I am that my cancer was caught early, easily treated and didn't require any horrid treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation.  Seriously, I am really fortunate to have only endured a couple unpleasant tests and was basically “cured” by having a mastectomy.  There are so many people who have to go through so much worse to survive cancer.  I am so thankful I am not one of those people.

So after watching the video, I popped out of bed and decided it was stupid to feel sorry for myself.  I know in time I will be back to “normal” and this whole ordeal will just be a “blip” on my life story.  Honestly, there truly have been some good things that have come out of this unexpected journey.  I have met lots of interesting people and learned to trust God more than ever before.  I've also had a lot of time to do things I would normally not bother to do. 

For example, I had plenty of time to work on my Christmas outfit for my company’s Tacky/Obnoxious Sweater Party.  And guess what?  I won the trophy!  Can you believe it?  I am by no means a Holly Homemaker, but since I’ve made a couple Christmas stockings for my kids over the years, I knew how to sew on a couple sequins and use a glue gun.

  

This picture really doesn’t do the outfit justice.  I found a $3 black cardigan at a used clothing store that already had the white embroidered snowflakes.  I had previously bought the pink sequin skirt during one of my Cancer Retail Therapy days described in this blog even though I had no idea when or where I would ever wear it.  But part of the purchase went toward Breast Cancer Research, so I went ahead and bought it because it was so cute.  And then those lovely pink fishnet tights were borrowed from Mikayla's Halloween costume.  

The shoes were feathered lingerie slides that I purchased at a “going out of business” sale at least 25 years ago for $5.00 I wish I could remember the name of the store located on the Square in Madill, Oklahoma.  It was owned by two sisters and I think I might have been their best customer because anyone who knows me understands my LOVE for shoes!  In all those years, I had never worn them before but knew someday I would have the opportunity!  These feathery friends been moved to at least 10 residences since they were purchased over two decades ago.  Thank goodness I held on to them for this perfect occasion!

I added the pink collar, fuzzy balls, jungle bells and sequin snowflakes at the neckline; in addition to hot gluing a little glitz to an old hair clip and dangling earrings.  I honestly didn't think I was deserving of the award because some of the contestants had some pretty ugly stuff (no offense to my sweet friend Angela).  Seriously, I thought my sweater was really cute and not tacky at all.  Did I mention I also received a $50 Gift Card?  Romeo is convinced I got the sympathy vote; but whatever! I am totally milking this cancer thing as long as possible!

Ta-Ta Update - Four Weeks Post Op

Hello Internet, Family, Friends, Coworkers and everyone else!  Sorry I’ve been missing in action and not updating you on my health progress, but I’ve been BUSY!  You know because Christmas is only THREE weeks from tomorrow!  Can you believe it?  But I am happy to report I am officially done with my shopping and ready for the big event.   All I can say is thank goodness for online shopping.  I am pretty sure my UPS man will have job security through the end of December.

I know the reason you are reading my blog, is to hear what’s going on (besides my Christmas shopping) so let’s get down to a little TaTa talk to update you on my progress.  You know when I decided to start blogging one of the biggest decisions was “what” to name my blog.   Of course, my creative and sometimes raunchy Romeo had many ideas, as well as Brittney.  One of them being “Titty Talk,” but I thought that might be a little much for my Southern Baptist friends and relatives.  So, after an evening of brainstorming with my Blogging Consultant (Brittney) and Romeo, “Busting-Free” was born and the rest is history.

Okay, so back to my health update.  We were in Houston earlier this week to meet with the amazing Dr. BK and Dr. Sarah for a post-op visit.  Dr. Sarah who is now, Mrs. Dr. Sarah said everything looked great and said the pathology report came back showing ZERO invasive tumors from the tissue they removed during the mastectomy.  Yay, we were doing the happy dance right there in the examining room! After we finished up with Dr. Sarah, we headed to see Dr. BK.

I wish you all could actually meet Dr. BK because he is so funny, lovable and a little smug.  But, he is truly a brilliant surgeon and the best in his field.  He was very happy with how my incisions were healing as he was admiring his work (this is where his arrogant personality shines through).  But, I agree he is truly amazing!  This is CRAZY, but I already have some sensation in my new constructed breast where most women don’t experience feeling for the rest of their lives! 

Anyway, even though we all agree Dr. BK is terrific, I had a few complaints about my “new” look.  First, my new lady part is about one third bigger than the other one.  Dr. BK responded that was no problem (as he was winking at Romeo), he said he would just make the healthy one a little bigger to make it match.  Of course, they BOTH knew from previous conversations, I wanted to be smaller, not BIGGER!  I mean, let’s face it, as we get older they just get in the way, make our clothes fit tight in the bust and the #1 reason, they make us look FAT!  I quickly nix-nayed that idea!  Don’t you agree less is always better?  Romeo tried to convince me “smaller” would not match my hips; and therefore, not be as flattering.  If I am not mistaken, I think he just said my butt looks big.   I feel more retail therapy coming in my future!

Second, my new lady part shape has a few flat spots that look a little odd.   Again, Dr. BK assured me he could easily fix that with a little fluffy magic.   Oh the wonders of modern medicine never cease to amaze me.  In fact, maybe Dr, BK can take a little fluffy out of my bottom and stick it in the flat spot?

Third, my tummy incision has a few bumps that need to be flattened out.  I know what you are thinking… I’m getting way too picky about my new flat, rock hard tummy, but hey, keep in mind Dr. BK is the best plastic surgeon in the Western Hemisphere.  Shouldn’t I expect perfection based on his credentials, not to mention the outrageous price my poor insurance company had to pay? 

So all this means is I will be going back to MD Anderson in January to finalize my “punch list” of imperfections and schedule a revision surgery.  I know my manager (Karen) is probably freaking out as she is reading this paragraph because she just told me yesterday “all hell has broken lose” since I’ve been gone from work.  But don’t worry Karen, this surgery will be outpatient and I’ll be back to work pronto (seriously).

In a couple weeks I’ll be visiting my friendly oncologist to discuss next steps.  I don’t believe I will need radiation or chemo since my lymph nodes were clear, but my research indicates he will most likely prescribe a hormone blocking drug to keep the cancer from coming back in my healthy breast.  I understand it has all kinds of lovely side effects, but I guess the benefits of the drug outweigh the risks. More about that topic later…

I am going back to work next Monday, but attending a company party tomorrow afternoon.  I am so excited because it is a “Tacky Christmas Sweater” party.  Since I have had nothing else to do (but sit on my BIG butt), I’ve been working on my hand-made creation for a week.  Oh ya’ll, it is FABULOUS and is more than just a tacky sweater, it’s an entire ensemble (down to the hair accessories).  My Romeo classifies it as “Tacky Sheik.”  I personally think it is just darling and would totally wear it to a non-tacky Christmas party if I had the opportunity.   I’ll post pictures soon so you can see for yourself.  I might even let you borrow it if you promise to give it back.

I assure you I won’t wait another week for an update because I know you are dying to see my lovely Christmas outfit.  Talk to you soon!