Big as Texas.. I Think NOT!

I'm sorry I have been absent for the past couple weeks but there really hasn't been much more to report. 

As of today, I am tolerating the Tamoxifn well and have zero side affects!  I keep thinking I'm having a hot flash, but then I realize I'm hot because our heater is running a little high or we are having a heat wave.  Those of you familiar with our crazy Oklahoma weather understand one day it is seventy degrees outside and then the next day it is snowing.  Then the next day we have an earthquake and tornado at the same time.  It makes you wonder why anyone would live here.  I'm still trying to figure that out... 

Anyway, back to my progress..... Romeo and I flew on Wednesday to meet with Dr. BK.   The purpose of this visit was to discuss next steps of my reconstruction process.  In other words, I had a couple important decisions to make to prepare my surgeon for the next operation.

• Did I want to remove the healthy breast?  Read this blog to understand this question.
• Was I satisfied with the size and shape of the new breast?
• If I kept the healthy breast, what type of alternations did I want to make it match the new breast?

I've been thinking about my responses for the past couple weeks and it has really stressed me out.  I had decided early on that I wasn't going to have a bilateral mastectomy so that answer was easy. 

The second question was obviously NO! If you read this blog, you understand I wasn't entirely thrilled with my new lady part.  It was just a bit.... LARGE even though I clearly told Dr. BK before the surgery I did not wish to look like Dolly Pardon.  Okay, that is probably a little exaggerated, but after all the swelling went down it clearly was larger than the other (healthy) one and much bigger than I wanted to be EVER!

The third question was the most controversial.  Dr. BK informed me yesterday that everything is Bigger in Texas, so I should just plump up the healthy one to match the new one.  I look over at Romeo and he is nodding his head yes to agree and smiling.  Hello.... has he forgotten everything we talked about before we got to Houston?    What is it with men and boobs? 

I clearly was not interested in Dr. BK's Texas mentality and was not going to let peer pressure change my mind on this decision.  Did I mention Dr. BK brought two medical students into the room when we were having this discussion?  Yes, I am sure this was providing them both an educational and entertaining experience.  Who says going to medical school can't be fun?

At one point in the discussion, I just had to put my hand up and say "STOP!"  I knew what I wanted and I didn't want to discuss it anymore!  Finally they heard me.... I just want the new one to match the old one and make them both smaller!  End of discussion. Dr. BK and Romeo had sad faces but whatever!

Now we are waiting to hear from the MD Anderson scheduler to provide me a surgery date.  Thankfully the surgery will be out patient and I should only have to be off work a week or so.  Every time the phone rings, I hope it is her or maybe it's a him?  I am just ready to get it done. 

The New Normal

Today is my 12^th day on Tamoxifen and so far I haven’t experienced any side effects.    It’s great news because this drug drastically reduces the chances of my cancer coming back!  Of course, now that I am announcing to the world I am tolerating this drug, I’m may be jinxing my luck.

Thank goodness my life is really getting back to normal.  I am back to work full-time and back in the gym.  Oh my, I have totally forgotten how hard it is to get back into an exercise routine.  I worked out yesterday and now I can hardly move!

Over the last couple weeks I’ve been telling Romeo I am going to start working out THAT day, but every day I came up with some excuse why I didn’t go.  So, yesterday was the day!  It was Friday and a beautiful sunny day,  so it seemed like the right time.  Plus all morning I had been psyching myself up to go, so at lunchtime, I jumped in my car and headed toward my gym.

 I walk in and the girl at the front desk gives me that look like… do we know each other?   After she scanned my badge she notices I haven’t been there since early November.  I can see in her eyes she believes I am a slacker and classifies me as one of those New Year Resolution people who will only workout a couple weeks and quit.

I wanted to scream at her I have been a dedicated gym member for the past FOUR years and the only reason I haven’t been coming is that I had CANCER!  But of course, I just smiled and start walking to my favorite treadmill in the Cinema room.  Yes you heard that right… my gym is really cool and has a room setup like a movie theater except it has workout equipment instead of chairs.  I love to run in that room because I totally lose myself in the movie and forget I am even running.

Okay, so I get to “my” treadmill that I’ve been using FOREVER and some blond, tan, young, fit chick I’ve never seen before is running on it.    AND she has the cutest workout outfit on that I’ve ever seen.  I am totally devastated because (1) I’ve lost my treadmill and (2) my workout outfit has obviously become out of style in the last 60 days (not to mention a little baggy in the waist thanks to Dr. BK).  I guess she picked up on my jealously and just smiles.  So I begrudgingly go to the next treadmill and start setting my things down when she leans over and says, “Ma’am,   I think that treadmill is broken.”  That’s just great because the rest of the treadmills are occupied!

At this moment, I consider just leaving and going home defeated, but I can hear Romeo in my mind asking me why I didn’t work out and reassuring me I will feel better once I get back into my old routine.  So I walked into the main part of the gym and selected a treadmill next to someone who was walking slow and wearing a less cute workout outfit than mine. 

I finished my 5K, but it took a few more minutes than usual.  Okay, it took a LOT more minutes than usual because I was walking most of the time, but, it was a start.  At least I went to the gym instead of going to Chick-Fil-A, right?.    It’s the beginning of my new normal and I was proud even if I was wearing an outdated workout outfit.    Next week I’ll get there earlier to reclaim my treadmill, in an updated outfit, with a spray tan and show that chick who is Boss!