Tamoxifen.. To Take or Not

Today is the last day of 2012 and I’ll have to admit, I’m glad it’s over.  It hasn’t been a bad year or a really good year, but one that has changed my perspective on how I will probably live the rest of my life. 

A couple weeks ago I visited my oncologist and he prescribed a drug called Tamoxifen.   This drug is used to reduce the risk of breast cancer coming back.  I will most likely take this drug for the next decade if my body doesn’t rebel against it too much.  Since it is considered a “maintenance” drug, my health insurance encourages me (via lower copayment) to purchase this drug through a mail order pharmacy.  So the day after I received the prescription, I sent it off to be filled. 

For the past two weeks, I have walked to my mailbox watching for my prescription to arrive.  You would think that I would be anxious to begin taking this medication since statistically it has been proven to decrease the chances of getting cancer again, but for some reason every day I was relieved when it wasn’t in the mail.  Today, on the last day of the year, it arrived and all the fears and anxiety I’ve experienced over the last three months came rushing back.

Early in my diagnosis, when I was trying to educate myself on all the possible treatment options of breast cancer, I did quite a bit of research on this drug.    I found it has many negative side effects but every doctor has advised me the “benefits” of Tamoxifen outweigh the risks.  But my natural tendency is to be safety-conscious and doing something that “might” not be good for me is usually avoided.    I opened the package and began reading the three page drug description and risks….

• Hot flashes
• Bone pain, joint pain or tumor pain
• Swelling
• Weight gain
• Nausea (maybe this will offset the weight gain)
• Thinning hair
• Increase risk of uterine cancer, stroke or blood clot in the lungs (OMG… I’m feeling faint)
• And about a hundred more things that might be unpleasant or make me sick

I have several friends who have taken or are currently on Tamoxifen.  It seems to affect everyone differently.  When discussing my concerns with my oncologist, he explained there are other drugs that can be prescribed that will reduce some of the side effects that will make Tamoxifen more tolerable.  Therefore, if I start experiencing some of the side effects, to let him know and he will call me in some more drugs.  Oh great… I am going to need one of those weekly drug organizers just to keep everything straight!  But Tamoxifen is my only drug choice until I go through the Big “M” (menopause).  Oh my, I don’t even want to think about that yet! 

I know this is silly, but I’ve decided I am not going to start taking Tamoxifen until tomorrow – January 1, 2013.  You know what they say… Out with the old and in with the new.   So today I am going to enjoy being cold in case I get hot flashes later, ratting up my hair (while I still have some) and dance like no one is watching. 

Happy New Years my friends!  I hope Year 2013 brings you many blessing and good heath.

Rejoice!

We had another wonderful Christmas at the Cordell home this year! 

It started with a surprise delivery from my cousin, Robbin Beasley Rice who left a very nostalgic gift on our front porch while we were out Christmas shopping one afternoon.  It was very special because it represented a mini-version of my Nanny Beasley's Christmas tree, which we all loved for so many years.



You can see Nanny's tree behind my sister, Karla, Me (I'm the baby), and my cousins Nancy and Robbin!

 



This is the tree Robbin made, which I will treasure forever!

  Then on 12/14, Romeo treated me with a special date to celebrate my Cancer-Free Status!  First, we went on a sleigh ride (more like a carriage ride with a horse pulling us) to look at the beautiful Christmas lights in downtown OKC.  Followed by a romantic dinner at the Peseo Grill and then concluded with drinks at the top of the Devon Tower!

Saturday night we attended LifeChurch's Christmas Service at the Edmond campus and was pleasantly surprised when one the special effects was it snowed inside the Church.  Very Cool, don't you think?  It was so neat, we decided to attend the Sunday service at the OKC campus to see Craig Groeschel "Live" and also hear their spectacular drummers!   The OKC campus didn't have any snow, but it was still pretty speical. We enjoyed both services equally! 

Brittney and I enjoying the indoor snow!

Christmas Eve was celebrated with a snack buffet followed by opening gifts with my Daddy and Mary Ann.  The crowd favorites were my Poppy Seed Ham Sliders and Brittney's delicious Rum Cake!

Christmas day was more low key as my children went to Tulsa to spend the day with their Dad.  Since I'm usually a little blue when they leave, Romeo and I spent the day at the movie theater to see Silver Linings Playbook and The Life of Pi; which we loved them both!

But the fun is not over yet because we will be having another round of Christmas celebration when Romeo's son, daughter and our precious three-year old grandaughter, Reagan come to Oklahoma next week for a visit!  

This has been the most wonderful holiday I can remember because we have so much to celebrate and rejoice.  We hope you also had a wonderful Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

It Was Just Another Test of Faith



2012 has been quite a year for my family; especially the last couple months.  But in the end, everything turned out just perfect.  Yes, it has been hard and there have been times I questioned why I had to be statistically the ONE in Five women who would get breast cancer.  Yes, I cried myself to sleep many nights because I was scared of what might happen.  Every day when I look in the mirror, I mourn the loss of the breast that was removed.  No, I will never look or feel the same, but I am okay with that because something really great happened from this experience.  It made me realize I had to trust God MORE. 

I have never been overly religious, volunteered at the church, led a bible study or signed up to save people at the Mall, but have professed to be a Christian since I was baptised when I was thirteen. The whole breast cancer experience has opened my eyes to love deeper, value relationships more and don't sweat the small stuff.  Life is too short to be stressed out, be mad over silly things and worry constantly.  If I can't physically control something, I just have to surrender it to God. 

My youngest (and teenage) daughter, Mikayla inspires me daily to be a better Christian and trust the Lord.  She is what some people might label a Jesus Freak or Bible Banger (Please know I am saying this in a loving way).   I am very proud of her and feel very blessed to be her mother.  No offense to Brittney or Brandon, they are good kids too even if they were little hellions as teenagers.  Seriously, I am very thankful to be part of a Christian family who surrounded me with love and prayers, which ultimately provided me the strength to remain positive during the hard days.  I know it's not over yet, but I think the worst is behind us.

I wish you each a very Merry Christmas and thank you for keeping me in your prayers.    Enjoy the holidays and don't stress if everything is not perfect or goes off as planned.  I know I am going to enjoy every single minute with my family even if I burn the Christmas ham (like I did last year)!

Surgical Drains Suck!

First, I want to thank all who have emailed me, left Facebook or blogger comments or just told me in person how much they have enjoyed my blog.  It has been very therapeutic, and hopefully it has informed my readers about what can happen when you’re diagnosed and treated for breast cancer.  This brings me to a topic about which I have not previously written related to the horrid little clear plastic drain tubing placed in surgical incisions during the operation.  I understand this is common in all kinds of surgeries and if you’ve had this experience, you will totally relate to this story.

I woke up with these pesky medical piping devices after my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery in three locations.  As I understand they are placed near the incision sites to prevent blood and other unidentified body fluid (hereafter referred to as “gook”) from building up in the area of the procedures.  The “What to Expect” booklet indicated they may be uncomfortable and inconvenient, but worth the trouble.  Well, let me just say, these words “uncomfortable and inconvenient” are an UNDERSTATEMENT! 

The patient guide should have read, “These little boogers are going to hurt like hell and will probably make you want to throw up anytime someone messes with them.  Furthermore if you get a drain site infected, It's NOT good! ”  You see, the nurse would come in two or three times a day (and night) to measure the gook that is draining into a plastic flask and would record it in my chart.  The way this is done is by sliding several fingers down the tube into something that looks like a small plastic flask (this is called stripping the drain).  Then the gook in the flask is poured into separate little Dixie cups to measure output.  It’s a very high tech process.  The plastic flasks are numbered so when the nurse pours the gook in the associated numbered Dixie cup, it can be documented on the gook sheet.  When the drains stop expelling gook greater than a certain amount, they take out the drains and THEN you can take a shower. 

But let me back up a bit, and give you some background.  In the patient guide it says some patients may have drains two or three weeks.  During this period they should not take a shower or bath (OMG!)  I believe this part of the instructions was written by some paranoid malpractice attorney because that is ridiculous!  No offense to lawyers, but this is a little extreme to minimize the risk of infection, don’t you think?  Seriously, can you imagine the stench of someone who did not take a shower for three weeks – talk about infection and bad hair!  But the good news was the medical people ignore this rule (and I didn’t remind anyone) and was allowed to take a shower on Day 3 (with my flowing gook and drains in place).  Sorry that might have been a little graphic. 

As in many hospitals, nursing staff is minimum and never around when you need them.  After my doctor allowed me to take a shower, I was Gung HO to get it done pronto!   About three or four hours later, two sweet, young, student nurses appear in my room and announce it is bath time!  Apparently their instructions were to keep my IV port, drain sites and incisions dry while assisting me in the shower.  I quickly discovered they had NO experience or training in showering a patient.  Furthermore, no one had given them any instructions than what I mentioned earlier. 

The first thing they did was saran wrap my IV port and taped it up with surgical tape (this should have been my first red flag).  Next they safety pinned the plastic drain flasks to my gown so when I stood up, the weight of these pesky devises would not jerk out of my tender incisions and cause me to have a heart attack.   Actually, this was my idea since it wasn’t my first rodeo getting out of bed.  I hope they took note of this tip for future patients.

Then they stood me up and the three of us headed toward the shower.  Have I mentioned one of the student nurses was VERY pregnant?   Yes, she told me she was due in two or three weeks (Oh great!)  Okay, so they placed me in the shower and told me to sit down on the little bench.  I was relived they were going to let me rest a bit before I had to stand up to undress.  But then Nurse #1 (the non-pregnant one) surprised me when she turns on the water and starts hosing me down (fully clothed).  When I asked why they weren't taking off my gown they both looked at me like I just asked something ridiculous.  Then I suddenly remembered they must think the hospital gown will keep my drains and incisions dry.  It is at this moment I’m mentally debating if I should pull the emergency “help” cord in the shower to get a real nurse to come rescue me.  But in the end, I decided to just go with the flow because I’m thankful to get my hair washed even if I might cause a severe infection around my drains (maybe those attorneys weren’t so paranoid) and I might die of pneumonia from being so cold. 

This experience has certainly given me new insight as to why dogs uncontrollably shake when they get wet.  Do realize how cold it feels to take a shower, in drenched clothing, in an open area with a cold draft rushing in the room?    Yes, if I could have shimmied the water off my gown to make it less wet, I would have, for sure!  With all of you as my witness, I vow never to scold my little dog Kosmo again when he shakes after his bath because I totally understand what he is feeling.    

P.S.  I was able to get my drains out in ONE week.  Not that I am bragging or anything - I just wasn't very gooky.

Almost Back to Normal, Except ONE Thing....

Thankfully, life is getting back to normal.  I went back to work on Monday, cooked dinner a couple times this week and have a lunch date with a couple of my Edmond girlfriends on Friday!  It feels so good not to be constantly worrying about cancer and what comes next. 

I work from home four days a week and drive to Tulsa each Wednesday to check in with my office.  It’s really a sweet deal, but I have to admit I miss the social aspects of not being in the office daily.  This week was really great, because I got to see a lot of coworkers and friends that I haven’t seen in six or seven weeks when I was in the Tulsa.   The days I work from home are filled with conference call meetings, answering emails and making phone calls.  Whether I was visiting with people in person or on the phone, everyone made me feel so special.  I just want to thank everyone at Williams, WPX and IBM for welcoming me back with such love and appreciation. 

I am truly feeling so much better and getting stronger each day.  Thankfully, I don’t need help with anything anymore.  But the only time I have problems is at night when I am sleeping – or rather attempting to sleep.  No one told me my new and altered parts would have a mind of their own.  My new lady part doesn’t like any movement and my new tummy feels like it is going to bust if I stretch or twist, so I am pretty much sleeping on my back, propped up with pillows trying not to move an inch.  This has been a huge adjustment because I previously slept on my side or on my tummy – but never on my back! 

Romeo won’t admit it, but I think I might be snoring (OMG – I know, THIS is mortifying)!  I suspect he is just trying to protect my girly ego.  Sometimes I wake up with a dry mouth and sore throat so I can just imagine the horrible sounds that must be coming from my side of the bed.  I know this is stupid, but just thinking I might be snoring is impacting my sleep quality.  Paranoid or not, if I sense I might be sounding like a bear, I wake myself up before Romeo realizes I am not the sleeping beauty he married five years ago.  I mean seriously, is there anything more unlady-like?   

I remember when my grandparents decided to have separate bedrooms in their new house.  When I asked Grandma Long why she and Papa didn’t sleep in the same room, she told me it was because he snored.  Hmmm… could this explain why I have this unhealthy paranoia?  Maybe that also explains why Romeo slept on the couch the other night when he implied he feared his “coughing” was disturbing my rest.  Note to self:  Go to Walgreen’s tomorrow and buy some “Breath -Easy” strips to silence the bear.   Do ya’ll know if those really work?  Man, I hope so!

Have a good weekend!  We have some holiday festivities and I get to get all dressed up!  So excited!!!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

A few days ago I woke up more sore than the usual which caused me to feel sorry for myself because I am still not "back to normal."  After Romeo left for work, I decided I would just stay in bed a little longer.    While I was lying there, I picked up my iPad and was viewing all the Facebook posts from that morning and the previous evening.   Now don't judge me, I am not typically one of those people who updates my status every hour or post on my friends' pages constantly.  I am more of the passive Facebook user (referred to as a "creeper" by my teenage daughter) who just snoops around to see what everyone else is doing.  However, since my interaction with the outside world has become very limited, it is my main outlet for social stimulation (along with Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest). Okay, so maybe I could be considered a Social Network junkie at this point, but at least I recognize my problem.

Anyway, I ran across a post that included a video link from my high school friend, Jay who commented, "Trust me, you'll like it and have I ever lied to you...?"   So I opened the link and it was a music video made by Megan Kowalewski who is twenty-three years old that has Hodgkin Lymphoma.   The video is of her lip-syncing to Kelly Clarkson's song. "Stronger." This video demonstrates Megan's strong spirit and charming personality while she is making the best out of her chemotherapy experience (as well as entertaining her fellow cancer patients). 

I found the video very inspiring and it reminded me how blessed I am that my cancer was caught early, easily treated and didn't require any horrid treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation.  Seriously, I am really fortunate to have only endured a couple unpleasant tests and was basically “cured” by having a mastectomy.  There are so many people who have to go through so much worse to survive cancer.  I am so thankful I am not one of those people.

So after watching the video, I popped out of bed and decided it was stupid to feel sorry for myself.  I know in time I will be back to “normal” and this whole ordeal will just be a “blip” on my life story.  Honestly, there truly have been some good things that have come out of this unexpected journey.  I have met lots of interesting people and learned to trust God more than ever before.  I've also had a lot of time to do things I would normally not bother to do. 

For example, I had plenty of time to work on my Christmas outfit for my company’s Tacky/Obnoxious Sweater Party.  And guess what?  I won the trophy!  Can you believe it?  I am by no means a Holly Homemaker, but since I’ve made a couple Christmas stockings for my kids over the years, I knew how to sew on a couple sequins and use a glue gun.

  

This picture really doesn’t do the outfit justice.  I found a $3 black cardigan at a used clothing store that already had the white embroidered snowflakes.  I had previously bought the pink sequin skirt during one of my Cancer Retail Therapy days described in this blog even though I had no idea when or where I would ever wear it.  But part of the purchase went toward Breast Cancer Research, so I went ahead and bought it because it was so cute.  And then those lovely pink fishnet tights were borrowed from Mikayla's Halloween costume.  

The shoes were feathered lingerie slides that I purchased at a “going out of business” sale at least 25 years ago for $5.00 I wish I could remember the name of the store located on the Square in Madill, Oklahoma.  It was owned by two sisters and I think I might have been their best customer because anyone who knows me understands my LOVE for shoes!  In all those years, I had never worn them before but knew someday I would have the opportunity!  These feathery friends been moved to at least 10 residences since they were purchased over two decades ago.  Thank goodness I held on to them for this perfect occasion!

I added the pink collar, fuzzy balls, jungle bells and sequin snowflakes at the neckline; in addition to hot gluing a little glitz to an old hair clip and dangling earrings.  I honestly didn't think I was deserving of the award because some of the contestants had some pretty ugly stuff (no offense to my sweet friend Angela).  Seriously, I thought my sweater was really cute and not tacky at all.  Did I mention I also received a $50 Gift Card?  Romeo is convinced I got the sympathy vote; but whatever! I am totally milking this cancer thing as long as possible!

Ta-Ta Update - Four Weeks Post Op

Hello Internet, Family, Friends, Coworkers and everyone else!  Sorry I’ve been missing in action and not updating you on my health progress, but I’ve been BUSY!  You know because Christmas is only THREE weeks from tomorrow!  Can you believe it?  But I am happy to report I am officially done with my shopping and ready for the big event.   All I can say is thank goodness for online shopping.  I am pretty sure my UPS man will have job security through the end of December.

I know the reason you are reading my blog, is to hear what’s going on (besides my Christmas shopping) so let’s get down to a little TaTa talk to update you on my progress.  You know when I decided to start blogging one of the biggest decisions was “what” to name my blog.   Of course, my creative and sometimes raunchy Romeo had many ideas, as well as Brittney.  One of them being “Titty Talk,” but I thought that might be a little much for my Southern Baptist friends and relatives.  So, after an evening of brainstorming with my Blogging Consultant (Brittney) and Romeo, “Busting-Free” was born and the rest is history.

Okay, so back to my health update.  We were in Houston earlier this week to meet with the amazing Dr. BK and Dr. Sarah for a post-op visit.  Dr. Sarah who is now, Mrs. Dr. Sarah said everything looked great and said the pathology report came back showing ZERO invasive tumors from the tissue they removed during the mastectomy.  Yay, we were doing the happy dance right there in the examining room! After we finished up with Dr. Sarah, we headed to see Dr. BK.

I wish you all could actually meet Dr. BK because he is so funny, lovable and a little smug.  But, he is truly a brilliant surgeon and the best in his field.  He was very happy with how my incisions were healing as he was admiring his work (this is where his arrogant personality shines through).  But, I agree he is truly amazing!  This is CRAZY, but I already have some sensation in my new constructed breast where most women don’t experience feeling for the rest of their lives! 

Anyway, even though we all agree Dr. BK is terrific, I had a few complaints about my “new” look.  First, my new lady part is about one third bigger than the other one.  Dr. BK responded that was no problem (as he was winking at Romeo), he said he would just make the healthy one a little bigger to make it match.  Of course, they BOTH knew from previous conversations, I wanted to be smaller, not BIGGER!  I mean, let’s face it, as we get older they just get in the way, make our clothes fit tight in the bust and the #1 reason, they make us look FAT!  I quickly nix-nayed that idea!  Don’t you agree less is always better?  Romeo tried to convince me “smaller” would not match my hips; and therefore, not be as flattering.  If I am not mistaken, I think he just said my butt looks big.   I feel more retail therapy coming in my future!

Second, my new lady part shape has a few flat spots that look a little odd.   Again, Dr. BK assured me he could easily fix that with a little fluffy magic.   Oh the wonders of modern medicine never cease to amaze me.  In fact, maybe Dr, BK can take a little fluffy out of my bottom and stick it in the flat spot?

Third, my tummy incision has a few bumps that need to be flattened out.  I know what you are thinking… I’m getting way too picky about my new flat, rock hard tummy, but hey, keep in mind Dr. BK is the best plastic surgeon in the Western Hemisphere.  Shouldn’t I expect perfection based on his credentials, not to mention the outrageous price my poor insurance company had to pay? 

So all this means is I will be going back to MD Anderson in January to finalize my “punch list” of imperfections and schedule a revision surgery.  I know my manager (Karen) is probably freaking out as she is reading this paragraph because she just told me yesterday “all hell has broken lose” since I’ve been gone from work.  But don’t worry Karen, this surgery will be outpatient and I’ll be back to work pronto (seriously).

In a couple weeks I’ll be visiting my friendly oncologist to discuss next steps.  I don’t believe I will need radiation or chemo since my lymph nodes were clear, but my research indicates he will most likely prescribe a hormone blocking drug to keep the cancer from coming back in my healthy breast.  I understand it has all kinds of lovely side effects, but I guess the benefits of the drug outweigh the risks. More about that topic later…

I am going back to work next Monday, but attending a company party tomorrow afternoon.  I am so excited because it is a “Tacky Christmas Sweater” party.  Since I have had nothing else to do (but sit on my BIG butt), I’ve been working on my hand-made creation for a week.  Oh ya’ll, it is FABULOUS and is more than just a tacky sweater, it’s an entire ensemble (down to the hair accessories).  My Romeo classifies it as “Tacky Sheik.”  I personally think it is just darling and would totally wear it to a non-tacky Christmas party if I had the opportunity.   I’ll post pictures soon so you can see for yourself.  I might even let you borrow it if you promise to give it back.

I assure you I won’t wait another week for an update because I know you are dying to see my lovely Christmas outfit.  Talk to you soon!

Sleepless in Houston

For three days after my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery a nurse would come into my room EVERY single hour to check my “flap” to make sure the blood was still flowing and the skin graft was not dying.  To give you some background, the “flap” I am referring to is the real estate that previously resided under my old belly button which was relocated to build my new *ahem* lady part.  As I explained in the blog, “The Famous Dr. BK” this is why my surgeon is referred to as the “Booby King.”  Yes, he is not only an amazing doctor but also has incredible skills to rewire body parts to work in places they were not originally intended. 

Anyway, to make sure my new lady part was surviving; the nurse would come in and place this thing that looked like a pen on my chest.  It was like a small wand the size of a writing pen but acted like a stethoscope.  You know, like the kind of Doppler they use when you’re pregnant to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.   Well, the nurse would place the wand on three different spots to listen for the heartbeat of my “baby” (flap).  Thankfully, they always got a heartbeat, so the nurse would just take my blood pressure and then let me go back to sleep.  But I guess if they didn’t hear a heartbeat, they would be rushing me back into surgery to save the baby.

When they weren’t checking me a million times a day, I had the luxury of sleeping in a bed that was weird at first, but I ended up really liking it in the end.  It was a mix between one of those air number mattresses, pedicure massage chairs and a water bed.  I know, that sounds really crazy and you are probably thinking I dreamed all this up while I was on those really good surgery drugs.  But seriously, this bed was “ for real” and whoever invented it was a genius!   I am guessing it was designed to improve a patient’s circulation and help reduce bed sores.  It actually felt like someone was massaging my back and slowly rocking me to sleep all at the same time.  I didn’t realize how wonderful it felt until we got home to my own bed (which I previously considered comfy, but now have decided it sucks). 

Unfortunately, Romeo didn’t have such a wonderful sleeping experience at MD Anderson.  Have you ever tried to sleep in one of those hospital recliner chairs that are suppose to turn into a bed?  I remember looking over at him the first night and he was curled up in a fetal position with his head resting on the seat of the chair and the rest of his body balancing on some sort of a contraption the nurse called an ottoman.  It looked more like a four legged box with a vinyl plastic cover. 

For some reason, I was hot all the time so Romeo would crank down the AC to keep me comfortable.  During the night, he would cover his entire body (including his head) under the covers so he wouldn’t freeze to death.  This man was truly displaying for “better or for worse” in our marital agreement.  However, he has stated several times that I owe him “big,” but then I remind him of the vow stating he would not use paybacks “in sickness and in health.” 

Anyway, a couple nights before I was released, a new nurse came on duty (in the middle of the night) and noticed Romeo's unusual and awkward sleeping arrangement.  She asked him if he knew that the recliner would lie down flat so he wouldn’t have to use the ottoman.  Romeo assured her that it didn’t lay down flat and he had tried everything to make it lay back.   She confidently said she “knew” it would lay down flat and she would be right back with a different chair.  Hello People… I am sleeping.  Remember… I am the patient trying to rest while you all are having an argument about the functionality of a stupid recliner!   

A few minutes later I heard this horrible sound in the hallway that sounded like someone was dragging a lion’s claw on a huge chalkboard.  My door opened and there was my nurse with Romeo’s new recliner.  And guess what?  It laid down flat!  Yes, it was a glorious moment for my sleep deprived, frost bitten husband!  Even though he was still cold the following two nights, at least he slept better because he could stretch out his legs and didn’t have to worry about falling off the vinyl box.  Okay, so maybe Romeo has earned a few brownie points, what do you think?

My Romeo and Kosmo

Counting My Blessings

Thanksgiving is always a wonderful time of year to celebrate your blessings with your family and remember those loved ones who aren’t with us anymore.  Since my Mom passed away four years ago, it hasn’t quite been the same.  But we decided it was time to start our own tradition the first year after she was gone.  Since then Romeo and I have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for our family.  He smokes the turkey and I do all the trimmings.  It has been a great system for many years and we have always enjoyed being in the kitchen together.

On Thanksgiving Day, it was two weeks since my Cancer-Free Boo-Bee Day.  There is no doubt, I’m still moving a little slow and need help with a lot of “normal” things.   You know, like carrying my purse at the grocery store (my Romeo is obviously confident in his manhood), getting out of bed (okay, he uses this to his advantage), changing my clothes (ditto), cooking, doing laundry, and ANY type of house cleaning.   Okay, I am totally milking this whole recovery thing, but somehow I am justifying it since Dr. BK and Dr. Sarah said I need to take it easy for 4-6 weeks.  Anyway, this year my oldest daughter, Brittney graciously helped Romeo provide me with the most splendid Thanksgiving feast ever!  I was very impressed since Britt has never cooked such an extravagant (and all homemade) meal before.  She totally amazed me! 

It was so relaxing (but almost felt guilty) to stay in my jammies all morning and watch the Macy’s Day Parade.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever watched it from beginning to end because I was always in the kitchen with my Mom or cooking for my own family.  But this year it was super special!  Oh the glorious benefits of “recovering” from surgery.  (Romeo forbids me to say I have cancer anymore.)

One of the events I missed this year was the Black Friday shopping frenzy.  I know, most people think shoppers like me are crazy, getting up at the crack of dawn to buy discounted items.  I swear I am NOT one of those people who will wrestle you over the last $199 TV, but it’s fun watching the people who get this intense.   Honestly, it’s really not about the shopping, it is more about being with my girls doing something CRAZY!  Even if we don’t buy much, we have lots of fun and laugh a LOT!  Since I wasn’t able to physically shop this year, I made a list of the items to buy at each store along with their associated coupon for my girls to purchase my gifts.  I’ll have to admit, it wasn’t as much fun, but I did enjoy them sending me pictures of their “finds” and texting me when I needed to make an alternative gift choice.   

The other affair I missed was photographing my kids for our annual Christmas card.  It’s hard to believe, but I’ve been sending out Christmas picture cards for over twenty years!  Every year we decide on a “theme,” coordinate their outfits and then we are off to the selected location for our photo shoot.   I remember when they were little it was such a dreaded event.  When two would be positioned perfectly and smiling, the other one would be crying or not paying attention.  Many years, the day would end with three crying kids and me swearing we would never do it again.  Thank goodness those days are over! 

This year one of my good friends, Chris offered (well I asked him) to take our pictures so we wouldn’t break tradition.  Now how many friends do you have that would agree to spend an entire afternoon taking pictures of your (sometimes dysfunctional) family?  Do you think I have overstepped my boundary of our friendship?  Sure, we could have gone to JC Penny’s to take pictures, but it wouldn’t have been as fun and we wouldn’t have all the “bloopers” to laugh about in years to come.  Chris, and his wife Kathy (aka photo assistant), certainly proved their unconditional love/friendship which I will never forget.  Thank you, Chris and Kathy!  We love the pictures and can’t wait to share this holiday season!     

I am so thankful for family, friends and my medical team who have supported me through prayers, positive words, food, gifts, cards, flowers and love.  Without a shadow of a doubt, I would not have been able to remain positive and sustained hope without these wonderful people uplifting me each day.  Please know I am very thankful to have each of you in my life, even if it is long distance or we only have a cyber friendship.   Happy Holidays!

Does My Belly Button Look too High?

Since I delivered Mikayla sixteen years ago, I’ve been dreaming of having a tummy tuck.  My first two children (Brittney and Brandon) were tiny little babies and my tummy flattened back out within a couple weeks.  But my last baby girl was a whopper!  It’s strange because I didn’t gain that much weight during my pregnancy, but for some reason she was really, Really, BIG.  She weighed slightly under ten pounds when she popped out (ouch!)   I remember looking down at her in the delivery room thinking she looked three months old.  Anyway, since that day, my belly has never been the same.

A couple years ago I talked to a cosmetic surgeon about having a tummy tuck, but couldn’t really justify the expense and was concerned about the pain/recovery.    Since then I’ve tried to flatten it out the old fashion way (which totally has not worked).  When Dr. BK explained how he could reconstruct my new lady part by using my stretched out poochy tummy (thanks to Mikayla), I was elated! 

Trace had warned me the tummy tuck was the worst part of the surgery and she was right!  I didn’t really realize this until they made me get up and walk to the bathroom the second day after surgery which is where this story begins. 

On day two, my favorite nurse, Emelda came bouncing into my room, annoyingly cheery and announced it’s time for me to get up!  I’m thinking she has lost her mind and there is no way I can even move an inch.  But with the help from a couple nurses and my Romeo, they somehow stood me up and made me walk two miles to the bathroom.  Oh heavens, I think I’m going to faint!

Okay, so I managed to *ahem* do what they want me to do in the little girls room.  As I am exiting the bathroom I get a quick glance of myself in the mirror.  I’m not sure what came over me, but I had to look under my tacky hospital gown to see how “things” looked.  So I slowly lifted it up and the first thing that hits me was, “OH MY GOSH, Dr. BK put my belly button in the wrong place!!”  How could this happen when he is the best plastic surgeon in the world?  From my perspective, it appeared off centered and waaay too HIGH!

I am standing there staring at my belly button (not even noticing anything else) when Romeo knocked on the door and asked if everything is okay.  I told him to come on in but I want him to look at my belly button.  He came in and assured me its fine and it just “looks” off center because I am more swollen on one side then the other.  Yeah right, whatever!  Maybe it’s all the pain pills that are affecting my vision and really everything looks perfect.

So let’s fast forward to when I arrive home a week later.  Thankfully, my belly button appears centered but I’m still convinced  that Dr. BK has placed it too high.  When no one is looking, I sneak into the closet and measure the space from the middle of my chest to my new belly button.  I do this because I remembered a Tulsa plastic surgeon took all kinds of measurements of my body (which I still had the medical records) when he consulted about doing my reconstruction.  AHh ha, I was right, it is TWO inches higher than it was before!  I’m trying not to panic, but my mind begins racing how Dr. BK is going to fix this error (and how much pain I’ll have to endure).

A couple hours later I casually ask Brittney and Mikayla about the placement of their belly buttons (I’m sure they thought I had lost my mind).  Of course, they still have young, beautiful flat tummies and don’t hesitate to lift up their shirts to show me.  Oh my, they have HIGH belly buttons too!  It is at this moment, I am horrified to realize my old belly button has been hanging low (more like sagging) for the past 16 years (or maybe longer).  Oh mercy me, I had no idea!  I’m sure I’ve been the laughing stock of the neighborhood pool as I’ve foolishly worn a belly-button-revealing bathing suit believing my only problem was my baby pooch.   I am totally flabbergasted!

But there is a moral to this story because I suspect at this very moment, you probably have the urge to go grab the measuring tape just to see if you have SBBS (sagging belly button syndrome.)  But trust me, don’t do it!   Some things are just better left unknown.   

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, Ya’ll!

My Cancer Free Boo-Bee Day, the Rest of the Story....

This is the rest of the story of my surgery day, so if you haven’t read, this blog you might be confused, so go back and read it before reading this story. 

Nurse Barbie Doll stayed in my room the whole time I was in recovery.  Every time I opened my eyes, I would ask her a question.  After she told me she couldn’t tell me the result of my lymph node study because someone from my “family” would need to tell me, I said (fine), “can I see my family then?”  Of course, her response was “no.”  What?  Why can’t I see my family?  Am I being punished because I didn’t take off my toenail polish?”  So I close my eyes again still thinking about how I’m going to look without hair and wondering if I had Lisa’s (my beloved hairdresser's) phone number so she could start shopping for a fabulous wig.

After about 10 minutes I opened my eyes again hoping Barbie (who I now want to call Nurse Bi**chy) is gone and is replaced by some grandmotherly nurse who wants to baby me.  But no such luck, Blondie is still there (no offense to blonds – my mother was a blond and I adored her.  In fact, I am thinking I might want to be blond someday.  Hmm… maybe I should have Lisa look for blond wigs) Whoops, sorry for the detour, back to the story…. 

In the meantime my Romeo and Daddy are anxiously awaiting to see me.  It’s been 1 ½ hours since Dr. BK told them I was in recovery and they still had not been called to see me.  Apparently, my Romeo demanded to see me or wanted to know why there was a delay.  The reception lady called back and talked to Barbie and she said only one person can come back.  No way!!!  The patient across the hall has the entire Dugger family in his room and it sounds like they are playing Pictionary! 

A few minutes later, my Romeo came back alone and before he could lean over to kiss me, I ask about the results of the lymph node test.  Before he can say a word, I can see in his eyes the answer to my question.   Hooray, he confirms my lymph nodes were clear.  Can I get a halleluiah?  So why in the world would that wench of a nurse not tell me this news?  I am so happy and furious all at the same time.   But to get her back (I am not typically a vengeful person) Romeo returns to the waiting room and requests my Daddy to follow him back to see me.  So take THAT Barbie Doll, my TWO family members are staying with me no matter what you say!

Having the love of my life and my sweet Daddy there to share this moment was awesome; I cannot even describe the joy I felt knowing I was cancer free, the surgery was over and I can start living my normal life again!  No more worrying, no more dreading, no more crying, no more of not knowing, no more thinking about chemo, no more CANCER!  THIS was the greatest moment of my life since my first child was born.  All I could do or think of was thanking God for allowing me this most precious gift.

The next couple days in the hospital were rough as I began adjusting to the soreness and uncomfortable feeling of my reconstruction and tight tummy.  I am so thankful my friend Trace prepared me for what was ahead.  She was right that my bad hair would be the least of my worries (well, at first).    Every time I stood up or walked, I thought my tummy was going to pop a stitch, but I kept thinking about Trace assuring me it would all be worth it.

During my five day stay at MD Anderson Cancer Hospital I met some very interesting people. You know, I really hadn’t thought much about MD Anderson being a “teaching” hospital until I experienced firsthand some of these medical students practicing on me.    There are some good stories, or at least in my fuzzy memory (which may or may not have been drug induced) are quite comical in hindsight.  Of course, Romeo is hilarious so I’ve got a few stories on him too!

Thanks again for coming along on my journey.  I’m really happy you’ve stuck around to hear my happy ending and know I have officially “Busted Free.”  But don’t worry, I’m really enjoying this whole blogging thing and have a lot more material to share.  So, don’t stop reading now…

The Sunshine just keeps coming!

Today has been FABuuuLOUS!  It began with “almost” being able to get out of bed by myself.  My Romeo just had to give me a little support to help me sit up and I could do the rest by myself.  I know, it’s the little things that make me feel independent and happy these days.  Then I managed to actually blow dry and style my hair; followed by a little makeup.  Of course, this activity totally wore me out so I needed a nap (which sort of negated the hair and makeup, but whatever). 

After a little rest, there was a knock on the door, and low and behold, it was the Edible Arrangement Dude delivering me a present!  Yahoooo!  Have you ever received one of these glorious fruit arrangements?  OH MY, the chocolate dipped bananas are to DIE for and I have decided I am NOT sharing with my family (is that selfish?)  I just want to send a HUGE thank you to my friends at Williams for sending me a another great surprise to brighten my day.

Thank you, Ted, Susie, Karen, Angela. Kristie and Dan!

But there was more “good stuff” as the day progressed.  So Romeo and I decide to go on a ride since it is a beautiful day and we needed a few groceries.  We are heading down the road when I open my phone to check Facebook (don’t judge me, it’s my only social outlet these days).  To my surprise, I find this picture posted on my timeline:

Love these girls!

These are my Tulsa work friends - Jessica, Patti and Carla.  They ran in the Williams Route 66 Run this morning and made this sign and dressed in pink for Breast Cancer Awareness.  I was so totally overwhelmed by emotion at this point, that I couldn’t even explain to Romeo why I was crying.  He pulled over and all I could do was hand him my phone to show  him why I was so deeply touched by my friends.  Thank you girls for remembering and honoring me today!  I am very humbled by your expression of support and there are no words I can say that can explain how you touched my heart.  Next year, you can count on me running beside you proudly representing our Company in this wonderful event.

After I stop crying and Romeo has driven around long enough for all the puffiness to  disappear from my eyes, we go into the grocery store.   Wow – what I zoo!  But get this, Romeo had his list organized in the same order as the layout of the store (I mean, who does this?  If I make a list, I usually forget it or can't find it by the time I get to the store).  But Romeo knew I would get tired fast and therefore, was very prepared.  We were in/out in lickety-split!

When we get back home, I get a text from my sweet friend and beloved Tulsa hairdresser, Lisa.  She asks if it is okay if she comes over Sunday afternoon to do my hair since I was unable to make it to my appointment last week (you know, since I was busy in Houston kicking cancer’s butt).   Can you believe this?  Lisa is willing to drive 90+ miles to come to MY house to do my hair?  If I could have jumped for joy at this moment, I would have, but Romeo was outside mowing the yard and wasn’t there to help me out of the chair.  So yes, Yes, YES, I am available for a new hair-do tomorrow!  You have no idea how excited I am to see Lisa and will be forever indebted to her for giving up one of her few days off to pamper me.   

Tomorrow, I will write Part Two of My Cancer Free Boo-bee Day!  I was planning to post it today, but wanted to share all my "happy news" and acknowledge the support, love and encouragement of my friends.  I can honestly say, so many people have made this challenging time so tolerable (and almost enjoyable).  There hasn’t been a day go by since my diagnosis on 9/13/2012, that someone hasn’t gone out of their way to give me a little sunshine to pickup my spirits and give me hope.    

Finally... the Cancer Free Boo-Bee Day!

Hello Friends and Family! 

I’m back and can happily report I DO NOT have cancer ANYMORE.  Dr. BK confirmed the final pathology reported the lymph node dissection indicated the cancer had not spread!  Yep, you heard that right, with the help of many medical professionals (even Dr. Shorty Pants), lots of people praying for me and the beautiful Grace from God, together we totally kicked this cancer’s bootaay!  So take THAT Mr. C and the horse you rode up on!  So here is what went down on my Cancer Free Boo-Bee Day….

The morning of the big day I am reviewing the “pre-surgery rules” just to make sure I am compliant.   Unlike some people in my family, I love rules, reading directions and doing exactly what they say.  But I came across a few “do-not’s” that seemed a little preposterous.  Like, why can’t I have any makeup, hair gel, hairspray, nail polish or acrylic nails in the operating room?    What are they going to hurt?  So after much deliberation, I decided to leave the makeup off, but conveniently “forget” the rest of the cosmetic rules and figured I could beg for forgiveness if I should get busted.  After all, how could I ruin my French manicure and special toenail design my friend, Linn had worked so hard on a couple days earlier?  

We arrived at MD Anderson Main Hospital at 6:00 AM to check into the surgical holding area which felt like a deep freezer.  I was feeling very nervous, nauseous and cold!   When we walked up, I was amazed there were a mob of people waiting, along with their numerous family members (even though the directions clearly stated only ONE family member per patient was allowed).

So finally someone sounding official told everyone to stand up and follow the lead person through the double doors at the end of the hall.  So hundreds of people stood up and were herded down the hallway to be assigned a surgical stall.  Apparently, my Romeo found this method of assignment very comical.  As we began walking behind the crowd, my ONE family member began “mooing.”   Of course, I started laughing (along with many others around us) which thankfully broke the tension in the air for a few minutes.  Seriously, how does this man know when he needs to make me laugh, when I feel like crying?

Okay, so let’s fast forward through the next hour… a couple of nurses hook me up to all kinds of  monitors, stuck the IV in my arm and told me they will be back in a few minutes.  In the meantime, my Daddy showed up (hooray I have TWO family members now), Dr. Sarah came by to say hello and preview Dr. BK’s artwork on my chest (which Romeo happily colored in the night before) and finally I met Dr. Jasmine. 

Her name is not really Dr. Jasmine but she reminds me of the beautiful Disney Princess from Aladdin. Plus, she has a last name that I would not even attempt to pronounce, but she appears to be of Middle Eastern descent.  Anyway, she introduced herself and explained she will be assisting Dr. BK in my reconstruction.  What?  The Boobie King needs help?  Before I can question her another nurse came into the room and squirted something in my IV to relax me because they are about to take me in.  Hello, do I look nervous?

I really don’t remember anything after that but my Romeo says the pre-surgical cocktail relaxed me to the point I was willing to flash anyone who wanted to see Dr. BK’s artwork on my cancer parts.  I just want to publicly say I totally deny this allegation and believe I remained lady-like through the entire event (especially since my Dad was present and he spent all that money on Charm School when I was a teenager.)

Anyway, about twelve hours later, I wake up in the recovery room and a nurse that looks like a Barbie Doll is sitting beside me waiting for me to open my eyes.  The first thing I ask her is if my lymph nodes were clear.  She immediately told me I will need to ask my family about “this” information.  Oh no!! I want to scream and beg her to please tell me, but instead I close my eyes believing cancer probably has spread to my lymph nodes, and start mentally planning how I am going to survive chemo and losing all my hair. 

That’s all for tonight, but stay tuned, I’ve got a lot more to share about my Cancer Free Boo-Bee Day because you need to know Nurse Barbie Doll totally led me astray.

Progress Report

Hello internet! This is Brittney again. I don’t have much to report.  I’ve talked to mom a lot over the past couple of days, she is doing really well.

It seems like she is halfway across the country. It’s been hard not being there with her and I know she is feeling pretty homesick. We thought she might be released yesterday (Sunday) but they decided to keep her an extra day. This afternoon she was released from the hospital, however, she has a post op appointment with the B.K. on Wednesday.  If everything goes according to plan, she should be home by Thursday.

Today she got her hair did! MD Anderson has a full service salon for all of their patients to use free of charge! How awesome is that? I know she was in dire need of some pampering. According to my mom, they washed, blow dried, and curled her hair.

Little fact about my mom: she never leaves the house without hair and makeup. Even to go to the gym! So you can imagine how antsy she was to get that hair under control.  I begged and pleaded for a picture but she wouldn’t give in. I think the hospital gown was a deal breaker.

Tonight she is cuddled up in her hotel room with Ron. She mentioned having French onion soup for dinner. Yum!

Let’s all say a little prayer for Ron tonight; he has sole custody over my mother’s needs. No more nurses to call if she needs to go to the *ahem* little girls room!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

I will probably be around for a little while longer, until my mom has the strength to type!

Happy Monday!
-Brittney