Friday, October 18, 2013

The Pity Purse

Hello Friends and Family!

Have you scheduled your annual exams?  I went in for my mammogram a few weeks ago  and it was quite an experience that I hope never to go through again.  Of course, most of the stress was self-inflicted but nonetheless it happened and was real at the time.

We arrived at MD Anderson bright and early for my appointment.  Two hours later, they called my name and I was ushered back to have my mammogram.  I had no idea what to expect since this was the first x-rays I’ve had since my mastectomy in November of last year.

To my surprise, they only x-rayed one side because my new lady part didn’t require any testing.  Oh great… I could have worn deodorant on that side and Lord knows I needed it because I was nervous as a cat and sweating like a pig.

The technician took the first round of x-rays and then sent me to the topless waiting room.  You know, the room you wait in until they say you can go home or back for more pictures.  Yes, it’s usually very cold and everyone pretends like it is totally normal.  Just to clarify for all the men, the ladies aren’t really topless (I can just imagine what Romeo is thinking as he reads this), we get to wear those lovely capes that cover our lady parts, but really we feel very naked and vulnerable.

 A few minutes later they called me back again.  When I walked into the room, I saw a couple of my films on the computer screen and there was a large white mass with some arrows and notes on it.  All I could think about was I had cancer again.  Oh my, I think I am going to faint! 

The nice technician (Kari) explained they need to take a few more shots so the radiologist can get a better look at a several areas.  By this time, I was shaking all over and praying that everything would be okay.  I posed for a few more pictures and then Kari sent me back to the topless room.

About 10 minutes later, Kari informed me I can put my clothes on and someone would be calling me to discuss my results.  Darn it, I knew I should have had a double mastectomy!

I walked out to the main waiting room where Romeo greeted me with a big smile and hug.  Poor guy, he had been patiently waiting for me three hours.    He instantly knew something was horribly wrong before I even said a word.  I had convinced myself the cancer has spread to my healthy breast and this time it’s much worse because the tumor is huge.  I am devastated.   

The rest of the day was a blur as I started mentally preparing myself for what was to come.  However, I do recall going to the outlet mall for a little retail therapy.  Yes, I felt much better after purchasing a Kate Spade purse otherwise known as my “pity purse.”   Romeo didn’t say a word and I totally took advantage of the opportunity!
I was hoping to get a call that day so at least I would know what I was facing.  But no one called until the next evening around 6:00 PM.

A sweet nurse informed me my tests had come back normal and we didn’t need to come back for another year!  I was shocked.  I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry.  I had just spent the last 18 hours thinking my cancer was back, but in reality everything was OK.  Oh thank you sweet Jesus!

My Daddy sent me an email today that said … If you are depressed, you are living in the past.  If you are anxious, you are living in the future.  If you are at peace, you are living in the present. 

These words rang so true to me.   I totally had myself (and Romeo) worked up for nothing.  The large white mass I saw on the x-ray was not what I thought.  I am STILL cancer-free and so thankful for this wonderful news.    

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so I hope all of you have reminded your lady friends and relatives to make their appointments.  And, of course, if you are a woman, I assume you have taken that initiative yourself!  Don’t mess around, time does matter and you don’t want to go undiagnosed.

Friday, August 30, 2013

One Year Later

It’s almost been a year ago when my life changed forever. I was having my annual mammogram performed when I suspected something was wrong when the technician acted a little nervous. Then I knew there was a problem when she escorted me to an office to talk to the radiologist.

I didn’t know it then, but it was the first day of my journey to survive breast cancer. A month later, on October 4, 2012 I wrote my first blog, “What? I have Cancer?” My daughter, Brittney is a blogger at Brittney’s Orr-dinary Life and encouraged me to start writing about my experience to keep my friends and family updated on my progress. I never dreamed writing about my diagnosis would be so therapeutic. Today as I read through my posts, it brings many emotions to the surface. But mostly it makes me happy and thankful for the journey.

Some of my favorite stories are:

Dr. Shorty Pants
Angel of Healing
Rudolph the Blue Nose Reindeer
Finally... the Cancer Free Boo-Bee Day!
Does my Belly Button look too high?
Good-Bye Big Boobies!

Cancer sucks, don’t get me wrong. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. But my experience made me trust God more and love deeper. It made me realize I had a lot of family and friends that cared about me. I heard from people I hadn’t talked to in years. The outpour of love and support was wonderful and much appreciated! Thank you to everyone who came along for the ride and prayed for me daily.  

Remember, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. You can be assured I will be getting my annual exam and scans on 10/1! Don’t put it off, call your doctor now to get it scheduled. Time does matter! My cancer was discovered in my annual visit and it was only a Stage 1. If I had waited six months or a year later, my prognosis might not have been as positive. Go ahead, call now!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Time Matters


Hello Friends and Family!

I know I have been missing in action since my last surgery and I apologize! It’s been six weeks ago today and I feel almost back to normal. In fact, I am counting the days until I can start working out. After all, I have a new belly button as I described in this blog and need to get everything else shaped up before summer!

Romeo and I are taking a long vacation this summer to our favorite resort, Couples Negril in Jamaica. We were supposed to go over Thanksgiving, but the whole cancer thing sort of fouled up our plans. So, we are REALLY looking forward to relaxing in the sun under the palm trees.

I love this view of the beach at Couples Negril!

I have to admit I have been a little worried that everything might not look “normal” in my swimsuit. Romeo keeps reassuring everything looks fine, but you know, he is a MAN and most males believe all boobs look great. But, in the last couple weeks I have had two doctors tell me they were VERY impressed with Dr. BK’s work. In fact, my Oncologist said it was one of the best reconstructions he has ever seen. Wow – I was really happy to hear that and surprised since he probably sees hundreds!

Now don’t worry, I’m not planning to go crazy and layout on the nude beach while we are in Jamaica. They don’t look THAT good, even though Romeo tries to convince me otherwise. But I am relieved someone outside of my family has given me confidence they look “normal.”

In the last couple weeks I have learned of two ladies (who are friends of my friends in Tulsa) have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Unfortunately, their cancer is more complicated than mine, but thankfully they are both seeking treatment at MD Anderson. Please keep these ladies in your prayers. Melissa is in her late twenties and is 32 weeks pregnant. Vicky is around my age and has a very aggressive stage IV cancer.

Please be aware of your breast health and don’t miss your annual mammogram. Delaying this exam just a couple months could make a huge difference. I was very lucky my cancer was caught early and treated easily, but it could have been a very different story if I had waited. So don’t wait one minute longer, call now if it’s time for your annual exam and remind all your lady friends to do the same!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Good-Bye Big Boobies!

My surgery went well last week but it took a lot more out of me than I was expecting. I am not sure what I was expecting but I assumed it wouldn't hurt and I would just wake up and everything would be back to normal.  Silly, silly me! 
My surgical and recovery room experience was much more pleasant than the first time.  As you may (or may not) recall, My Cancer Free Boo-bee Day Part One blog explained the horrendous events of this experience and then My Cancer Free Boo-bee Day, the rest of the story.... summarized what happened after surgery in the recovery room.  I was very happy Nurse Barbie was not waiting by my side when I opened my eyes last Tuesday. 
Thankfully, this surgery only lasted a couple hours and then I was in recovery for an hour or so.  As soon as I was awake, they allowed Romeo to come sit by my side until I was ready to go.  When I say "go" I mean stand up, put on my clothes, walk to the bathroom and then get in a wheelchair.  Sounds easy, but it took Romeo coaxing me the whole way.
As I have said before, surgery drugs are really good. My favorite part is the stuff they shoot into your IV before they take you into the operating room. It's the "I don't care what you do to me" drug. I really don't remember all the events that took place after I received this attitude alternating serum, but Romeo says I got all mushy, kept wanting to kiss him and hold his hand. I certainly don't doubt I became lovey-dovey because I do tend to be a touchy/feely type of girl.   But I DO deny announcing (according to Romeo) to the entire surgical holding area (in my outside voice), "Good-Bye Big Boobies" as they were whisking me away to the Operating Room.

My first impression post-surgery to my new lady alterations was negative. I was really, really mad at Dr. BK. First, I was in pain. In the last three months, no one ever mentioned anything about this procedure being painful and I asked! In fact, Dr. BK sent me home with ZERO drugs because it wasn't going to hurt. Second, the new lady parts looked just like the old lady parts except NOW I had a bunch of new incisions and they HURT like the devil!

So after Romeo wheeled me back to our hotel room, I had a meltdown. Mid-afternoon I convinced him to take me back to MD Anderson to see a pain specialist. These are the people you see when you can't take pain medications. Have I mentioned I am allergic to a ton of drugs so I just can't take anything? Anyway, they prescribed a drug called Nucynta which worked but it made me a little nauseous, but compared to the side effects of other pain meds (not being able to breathe), I'll take a little queasiness.

Today I am six days post-op and still have a little pain if I move around too much. My energy level is lower than I was expecting, but I feel like I am getting stronger each day.  I am happy to say my new and improved lady parts look pretty good considering what they've been through in the last six months.  I am not mad at Dr. BK anymore because after the swelling went down they were smaller and surprisingly took at least 15 years off their age.

Next steps are in a couple months when I go back to Dr. BK to decide if I want high, low, or no beams on my new hardware. I bet you never thought there were so many options to breast reconstruction? It's kind of like redecorating your house, except you can't take the new pillows back if they don't look good on the couch.     

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Back to Houston

The time has finally come to go back to MD Anderson for my second reconstruction surgery which will be March 5.  That means Romeo and I will be heading to Houston on Sunday for my pre-op appointments on Monday and then surgery on Tuesday.   This surgery is to “fine tune” the new hardware, or as Romeo says, I’m getting my tires balanced. But I liked to think of it as a redesign.
This surgery won’t be nearly as major as my mastectomy and if all goes well, it will be out-patient.  Recovery should be about a week and then I should be good as new.  I am really looking forward to getting through this part of the process because I am so ready to feel normal again.  Of course, I still have to go visit my Oncologist every three months, but hopefully all the major surgery and treatment is OVER!  Yahoo!!

The bad news is Dr. BK says there is no way I can run in the St. Patrick's 5K, but I still plan to participate with my Tulsa running buddies by walking the race.  But as soon as I can, I'll be back on the road training to get ready for the Susan Koman races coming up in the Fall.

When I look back and think about everything that has happened since my diagnosis in September, I am so thankful for all the new people I have met during my treatment, friends and family who I have reconnected with, and all experiences (good and bad) that occurred.  All of these people and events have altered my perspective of life and I wouldn't change a thing, even if God let me have a do-over.  My Momma use to say there is a silver lining to every dark cloud and she was right! 

Thank you for joining me in this incredible journey.  I've truly enjoyed your company and have appreciated all of your love, support and prayers.  I'll check in next week to let you know how I'm doing, but don't worry . . . I have complete faith in God I'm going to be just fine.  In fact, I guess I will have to start blogging about normal things since I am almost cured.  Thank goodness my family and coworkers provide me a lot of good material. 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Busted Free

Hello Friends and Family!
Yes, I am still alive and everything is going very well!     A big thank you to everyone who has been praying for me as I still haven’t experienced any of the scary side effects from taking the hormone blocker, Tamoxifin; which drastically decreases the chances of my cancer coming back.  This is a big win and such a relief!
I’ve recently started running again and am training for the St Patrick’s Day 5K Run in March.  You may remember in this blog, “The Sunshine Keeps Coming” when my friends Carla, Jessica and Patti made a banner and ran in my honor at the Williams Root 66 Run in Tulsa last fall.   I was very touched by their public display of support and will never forget this moment and how good it made me feel. 

Now that I am cured, thank you Sweet Jesus, and almost back to normal, we are going to run together in the St Patrick’s Day 5K Run supporting Special Olympics.  I will be so honored to be participating with these ladies and each step I will be celebrating our friendship and thanking God for allowing me to be active again.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Big as Texas.. I Think NOT!

I'm sorry I have been absent for the past couple weeks but there really hasn't been much more to report. 

As of today, I am tolerating the Tamoxifn well and have zero side affects!  I keep thinking I'm having a hot flash, but then I realize I'm hot because our heater is running a little high or we are having a heat wave.  Those of you familiar with our crazy Oklahoma weather understand one day it is seventy degrees outside and then the next day it is snowing.  Then the next day we have an earthquake and tornado at the same time.  It makes you wonder why anyone would live here.  I'm still trying to figure that out... 

Anyway, back to my progress..... Romeo and I flew on Wednesday to meet with Dr. BK.   The purpose of this visit was to discuss next steps of my reconstruction process.  In other words, I had a couple important decisions to make to prepare my surgeon for the next operation.
  • Did I want to remove the healthy breast?  Read this blog to understand this question.
  • Was I satisfied with the size and shape of the new breast?
  • If I kept the healthy breast, what type of alternations did I want to make it match the new breast?
I've been thinking about my responses for the past couple weeks and it has really stressed me out.  I had decided early on that I wasn't going to have a bilateral mastectomy so that answer was easy. 

The second question was obviously NO! If you read this blog, you understand I wasn't entirely thrilled with my new lady part.  It was just a bit.... LARGE even though I clearly told Dr. BK before the surgery I did not wish to look like Dolly Pardon.  Okay, that is probably a little exaggerated, but after all the swelling went down it clearly was larger than the other (healthy) one and much bigger than I wanted to be EVER!

The third question was the most controversial.  Dr. BK informed me yesterday that everything is Bigger in Texas, so I should just plump up the healthy one to match the new one.  I look over at Romeo and he is nodding his head yes to agree and smiling.  Hello.... has he forgotten everything we talked about before we got to Houston?    What is it with men and boobs? 

I clearly was not interested in Dr. BK's Texas mentality and was not going to let peer pressure change my mind on this decision.  Did I mention Dr. BK brought two medical students into the room when we were having this discussion?  Yes, I am sure this was providing them both an educational and entertaining experience.  Who says going to medical school can't be fun?

At one point in the discussion, I just had to put my hand up and say "STOP!"  I knew what I wanted and I didn't want to discuss it anymore!  Finally they heard me.... I just want the new one to match the old one and make them both smaller!  End of discussion. Dr. BK and Romeo had sad faces but whatever!

Now we are waiting to hear from the MD Anderson scheduler to provide me a surgery date.  Thankfully the surgery will be out patient and I should only have to be off work a week or so.  Every time the phone rings, I hope it is her or maybe it's a him?  I am just ready to get it done. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013

The New Normal

Today is my 12th day on Tamoxifen and so far I haven’t experienced any side effects.    It’s great news because this drug drastically reduces the chances of my cancer coming back!  Of course, now that I am announcing to the world I am tolerating this drug, I’m may be jinxing my luck.
Thank goodness my life is really getting back to normal.  I am back to work full-time and back in the gym.  Oh my, I have totally forgotten how hard it is to get back into an exercise routine.  I worked out yesterday and now I can hardly move!
Over the last couple weeks I’ve been telling Romeo I am going to start working out THAT day, but every day I came up with some excuse why I didn’t go.  So, yesterday was the day!  It was Friday and a beautiful sunny day,  so it seemed like the right time.  Plus all morning I had been psyching myself up to go, so at lunchtime, I jumped in my car and headed toward my gym.
 I walk in and the girl at the front desk gives me that look like… do we know each other?   After she scanned my badge she notices I haven’t been there since early November.  I can see in her eyes she believes I am a slacker and classifies me as one of those New Year Resolution people who will only workout a couple weeks and quit.
I wanted to scream at her I have been a dedicated gym member for the past FOUR years and the only reason I haven’t been coming is that I had CANCER!  But of course, I just smiled and start walking to my favorite treadmill in the Cinema room.  Yes you heard that right… my gym is really cool and has a room setup like a movie theater except it has workout equipment instead of chairs.  I love to run in that room because I totally lose myself in the movie and forget I am even running.
Okay, so I get to “my” treadmill that I’ve been using FOREVER and some blond, tan, young, fit chick I’ve never seen before is running on it.    AND she has the cutest workout outfit on that I’ve ever seen.  I am totally devastated because (1) I’ve lost my treadmill and (2) my workout outfit has obviously become out of style in the last 60 days (not to mention a little baggy in the waist thanks to Dr. BK).  I guess she picked up on my jealously and just smiles.  So I begrudgingly go to the next treadmill and start setting my things down when she leans over and says, “Ma’am,   I think that treadmill is broken.”  That’s just great because the rest of the treadmills are occupied!
At this moment, I consider just leaving and going home defeated, but I can hear Romeo in my mind asking me why I didn’t work out and reassuring me I will feel better once I get back into my old routine.  So I walked into the main part of the gym and selected a treadmill next to someone who was walking slow and wearing a less cute workout outfit than mine. 
I finished my 5K, but it took a few more minutes than usual.  Okay, it took a LOT more minutes than usual because I was walking most of the time, but, it was a start.  At least I went to the gym instead of going to Chick-Fil-A, right?.    It’s the beginning of my new normal and I was proud even if I was wearing an outdated workout outfit.    Next week I’ll get there earlier to reclaim my treadmill, in an updated outfit, with a spray tan and show that chick who is Boss!