The Pity Purse

Hello Friends and Family!

Have you scheduled your annual exams?  I went in for my mammogram a few weeks ago  and it was quite an experience that I hope never to go through again.  Of course, most of the stress was self-inflicted but nonetheless it happened and was real at the time.

We arrived at MD Anderson bright and early for my appointment.  Two hours later, they called my name and I was ushered back to have my mammogram.  I had no idea what to expect since this was the first x-rays I’ve had since my mastectomy in November of last year.

To my surprise, they only x-rayed one side because my new lady part didn’t require any testing.  Oh great… I could have worn deodorant on that side and Lord knows I needed it because I was nervous as a cat and sweating like a pig.

The technician took the first round of x-rays and then sent me to the topless waiting room.  You know, the room you wait in until they say you can go home or back for more pictures.  Yes, it’s usually very cold and everyone pretends like it is totally normal.  Just to clarify for all the men, the ladies aren’t really topless (I can just imagine what Romeo is thinking as he reads this), we get to wear those lovely capes that cover our lady parts, but really we feel very naked and vulnerable.

 A few minutes later they called me back again.  When I walked into the room, I saw a couple of my films on the computer screen and there was a large white mass with some arrows and notes on it.  All I could think about was I had cancer again.  Oh my, I think I am going to faint! 

The nice technician (Kari) explained they need to take a few more shots so the radiologist can get a better look at a several areas.  By this time, I was shaking all over and praying that everything would be okay.  I posed for a few more pictures and then Kari sent me back to the topless room.

About 10 minutes later, Kari informed me I can put my clothes on and someone would be calling me to discuss my results.  Darn it, I knew I should have had a double mastectomy!

I walked out to the main waiting room where Romeo greeted me with a big smile and hug.  Poor guy, he had been patiently waiting for me three hours.    He instantly knew something was horribly wrong before I even said a word.  I had convinced myself the cancer has spread to my healthy breast and this time it’s much worse because the tumor is huge.  I am devastated.   

The rest of the day was a blur as I started mentally preparing myself for what was to come.  However, I do recall going to the outlet mall for a little retail therapy.  Yes, I felt much better after purchasing a Kate Spade purse otherwise known as my “pity purse.”   Romeo didn’t say a word and I totally took advantage of the opportunity!

I was hoping to get a call that day so at least I would know what I was facing.  But no one called until the next evening around 6:00 PM.

A sweet nurse informed me my tests had come back normal and we didn’t need to come back for another year!  I was shocked.  I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry.  I had just spent the last 18 hours thinking my cancer was back, but in reality everything was OK.  Oh thank you sweet Jesus!

My Daddy sent me an email today that said … If you are depressed, you are living in the past.  If you are anxious, you are living in the future.  If you are at peace, you are living in the present. 

These words rang so true to me.   I totally had myself (and Romeo) worked up for nothing.  The large white mass I saw on the x-ray was not what I thought.  I am STILL cancer-free and so thankful for this wonderful news.    

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so I hope all of you have reminded your lady friends and relatives to make their appointments.  And, of course, if you are a woman, I assume you have taken that initiative yourself!  Don’t mess around, time does matter and you don’t want to go undiagnosed.